sharing with you a little journey of mine last week.
I finally received my ballot result for my flat at jalan membina last sunday nite; after a waiting period of almost 3 months. in this 3 months, i had 3 dreams that i got the flat and i knew my faith was really surging. in fact, from the beginning, i had been declaring that it is done. i have gotten the flat in the spiritual realm cos my God had given it to me. really my heart was really anticipating for the day of the release of the results.
with much anticipation, jeanie and i clicked on the result button. much to our disappointment, we got a queue number of 2277. there are a total of 430+ flats and 3000 over people who had ballotted. we are 2277. that was really unexpected. my heart sank and did not know how to respond. just didn't know how. my emotion is not ready for the unexpected. my faith did not allow me to feel this way. i was very much speechless. i thought i was in a dream and i wanted to wake up.
slowly, reality sank in the next day. i began to feel really confused and disappointed. "what had happened?" "didn't i hear His promise?" then slowly from these questions, i started to have thoughts like "did He withhold his blessing from us?" and "did God play me out?" "why did He let this happened? 1.5 years of flat-searching. i thought i have surrendered each to you. why?" I struggled. my spirit was weary. it wanted to be angry. it wanted to blame. it wanted to curse. it wanted to run and hide. i was in this state for one day. my spirit grieved for it felt so lost. i have never ignored the Lord since i knew Him 8 years back. strangely, it just felt terrible ignoring Him despite my disappointment.
i asked myself many questions and i came to a conclusion, "Despite what happened, i cannot nullify His reality, His love and blessing in my life after walking with Him for these many years" i felt a relief in my heart the moment i uttered these words to jeanie over the phone. i felt His tears. I felt mine too. I felt freedom. I know that I will trust Him no matter what. this is how i will live cos i didn't know how else.
Then i kind of able to identify how Abraham felt when He waited 16 years for Isaac, the promised son. He had waited and waited in faith. He must have had countless disappointment with God. Yet this father of mine, continued to trust His God cos despite his disappointment, he could never negate the reality, love and blessing of God in His life. He trusted cos he didn't know how else to live. he knew he could never walked away from Him.
I finally received my ballot result for my flat at jalan membina last sunday nite; after a waiting period of almost 3 months. in this 3 months, i had 3 dreams that i got the flat and i knew my faith was really surging. in fact, from the beginning, i had been declaring that it is done. i have gotten the flat in the spiritual realm cos my God had given it to me. really my heart was really anticipating for the day of the release of the results.
with much anticipation, jeanie and i clicked on the result button. much to our disappointment, we got a queue number of 2277. there are a total of 430+ flats and 3000 over people who had ballotted. we are 2277. that was really unexpected. my heart sank and did not know how to respond. just didn't know how. my emotion is not ready for the unexpected. my faith did not allow me to feel this way. i was very much speechless. i thought i was in a dream and i wanted to wake up.
slowly, reality sank in the next day. i began to feel really confused and disappointed. "what had happened?" "didn't i hear His promise?" then slowly from these questions, i started to have thoughts like "did He withhold his blessing from us?" and "did God play me out?" "why did He let this happened? 1.5 years of flat-searching. i thought i have surrendered each to you. why?" I struggled. my spirit was weary. it wanted to be angry. it wanted to blame. it wanted to curse. it wanted to run and hide. i was in this state for one day. my spirit grieved for it felt so lost. i have never ignored the Lord since i knew Him 8 years back. strangely, it just felt terrible ignoring Him despite my disappointment.
i asked myself many questions and i came to a conclusion, "Despite what happened, i cannot nullify His reality, His love and blessing in my life after walking with Him for these many years" i felt a relief in my heart the moment i uttered these words to jeanie over the phone. i felt His tears. I felt mine too. I felt freedom. I know that I will trust Him no matter what. this is how i will live cos i didn't know how else.
Then i kind of able to identify how Abraham felt when He waited 16 years for Isaac, the promised son. He had waited and waited in faith. He must have had countless disappointment with God. Yet this father of mine, continued to trust His God cos despite his disappointment, he could never negate the reality, love and blessing of God in His life. He trusted cos he didn't know how else to live. he knew he could never walked away from Him.
posted by airplane1603 at 4:08 AM
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